Dearest, Most Patient & Forbearing Friends of the Upper Crust,
For some time now the Lord Bendover has been afflicted with a palsy of the hand, such that he cannot play the guitar, which distress has engendered the cancellation of several performances of the Upper Crust. Thankfully, he is now attended by skilled physicians who shall bring to bear all the scientific inexactitude of their arcane trade upon him, employing the most up-to-date techniques and remedies: bleeding, the mercury cure (always assuming that tertiary syphilis plays no small part), trepanning of the skull, freezing cold baths, and more. We anticipate that they will be successful, and in short order His Lordship shall be restored to us in all the pomp and majesty of his former musical skill, such as it ever was.
We shall keep you abreast of these developments, which may be considered hopeful if one is inclined to optimism, though a pessimist would straightaway assume the worst and nine times out of ten find that he had underestimated by an order of magnitude the scope of the catastrophe.
But what of you? Are you still, as we fondly persuade ourselves, kindly disposed towards us? Does your eye still sparkle with that soft, affectionate gaze, punctuated now and then by a broad wink and a come-hither wave, which we flatter ourselves were reserved for us alone? We await your answer with an impatience wholly inconsistent with the fact that it was we that were remiss these past weeks, and remain in the meanwhile your belated yet devoted correspondent,
Secretary and Manservant to Their Lordships the Upper Crust