Dearest Friends of the Upper Crust-
Firstly, we must offer our apologies for not writing sooner, but we have been fairly overwhelmed by the exigencies of the current tour in which My Lords the Upper Crust have been engaged, traveling through Fort Worth, Austin and San Antonio in Texas, thence on to New Orleans, and thence again to Little Rock and Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Today they find themselves en route to Kansas City, Missouri, for this night’s performance, and thereafteronward, with not a day of rest, to Minneapolis, Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland, Baltimore, Washington, and finally to Somerville, Massachusetts. And though this itinerary is certainly demanding, Their Lordships seem to thrive upon the hurly-burly that is life “on the road.”
The tour has gone exceptionally well to date, the only mishap having been occasioned by the Lord Bendover falling over a chamber pot in Tulsa last night, breaking a platform heel and lightly damaging an amplifier. But His Lordship found the experience invigorating, as he has never before suffered such an insult to his personage, and he now feels that he has seen the vicissitudes of life in all their variegated splendor, and finds that he has new sympathy for the stumblebums of this world… however impermanent this attitude of compassion may be. And the cobbler, awoken from his honest sleep at three in the morning, quickly set things to rights with regard to the broken shoe.
What awaits our touring party in Kansas City this evening is a matter of much idle conjecture, but it is certain that, having received the keys to the city as is de rigueur, My Lords will turn their undivided attention to rocquing the town, so famous for its corn-fed beauties and its long-limbed, winsome cows.
This tour, of course, is undertaken with the Grannies of San Francisco, bosom companions to the Upper Crust, and a great pleasure it is indeed for My Lords to rocque with such like-minded folk. A cordial atmosphere of placid yet profound amity reigns amongst them, and both parties share a great mutual respect and affection.
As for ourselves, we await with impatience our next encounter with you, our paramour, as we hurl ourselves wordlessly into each other’s arms and renew our passionate affair where last it was interrupted. Until that time, which cannot come soon enough, we remain your faithful, affectionate, peripatetic correspondent,
Secretary and manservant to Their Lordships the Upper Crust