Dearest Friends of the Upper Crust—
We may now confirm what many of you have no doubt suspected for some time: that the Upper Crust, absent from the stage for over a year now, are on indefinite hiatus.
Count Bassie, Jackie Kickassis, the Duc d’Istortion, and the Lord Bendover are all actively and energetically engaged on their own creative projects, having assumed, for purposes of art, the personae of ordinary rockers—complete with contemporary costumes accurate to the smallest, shabby detail; vulgar vernacular speech, and plausible-sounding, ethnically-derived names.
It goes without saying that this kind of character performance is exceptionally demanding, and requires the highest level of skill and focus to carry it off; we beg you, if you should see them immersed in these roles, do not break their concentration by invoking their true titles and identities.
As for ourselves, now that our duties to their Lordships are no longer an impediment, we most earnestly hope that you and I may at long last consummate our incandescent mutual attraction—for we know that you are, if anything, more lovely than ever, for the full-bodied grace that maturity bestows.
With abiding love and deepest gratitude for your faithful friendship, we bid you a fondue, season’s greetings, etc.,
Secretary and Manservant to Their Lordships the Upper Crust